he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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