And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
