At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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