I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Is Oprah even human
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
