Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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