I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
