I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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