hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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