So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
