Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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