we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
