last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
