What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
