i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
