Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
