Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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