The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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