My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
