Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
