there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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