apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
i need some magic done to my vagina
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
