I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
