I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my shit smells like andre
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
