So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
