I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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