Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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