I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
