ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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