Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
