he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
