If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
