not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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