I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
