i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize