dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
