Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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