fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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