i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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