Someone shit on the floor
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
