i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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