There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
