I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
