What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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