im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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