I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
