Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
