Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
