I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
