i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
