This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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