Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
There's always time for handjobs
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
