so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
