Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
