He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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