Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
