I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize