Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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