if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
