i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
