I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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