Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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