he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
