If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
