Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
