I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
