I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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