you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
