We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
